Lucky for me I dont Like Money

These are three journal entries I wrote over the past week that involve money. This month I vowed to work on my relationship with money because I'm tired of being controlled by my negative thoughts about money-it was getting to the point of driving me crazy! I like to ask myself now, "if money was your boyfriend/girlfriend would you want to still be in the relationship?"

January 17, 2009

Today my money was not stable. I knew it was going to start coming
out of my bank account, so I braced myself for it all day. First, I
only used nickels dimes and quarters to take the bus today thinking I
could possibly avoid going to my bank and taking out the crispy
twenties.

Honestly, I hate to see money go. I want it to stay, to stick around
longer, and to keep on piling up.

(some might say, "what does money have to do with happiness? I
thought true happiness came from spirit or self, or some other far out
place." Well, that may be true, but for now I know this is true for
me: all of my relationships, the good and bad are teaching me
something and the bad relationships are especially helpful because
they give me an opportunity to open up. Lucky for me I have a bad
relationship with money, and I am happy to keep on working on my
relationship with it, because each time I do, I understand it more,
and I begin to understand myself.)

I hate to see money go

I want it to stay

I am afraid money won’t come back

I want money to keep piling up



January 21, 2009

What’s Money Doing?

-It’s coming and going
-It’s steady
-I am feeling less afraid of it

(I have found some wonderful blogs that discuss money that I happened on by chance. They are beautifully written, and I really love reading them. )

-I am starting to learn that there is nothing to fear about money….that it comes back
-Now, if I replaced the word money with boyfriend-how would I feel about this guy I’m dating? (My boyfriend is coming and going, he is steady, and I am feeling less afraid about him because I know that he comes back). Wow, it sounds like I’m starting to fall in love with my boyfriend, it even looks like a relationship worth keeping!


January 23, 2009

Money is more fun than I thought it was. Yes, it comes and goes. But
without the thought that it shouldn't go, or the thought that it wont
come back, then everything changes. Imagine telling your boyfriend,
or your best friend that they shouldn't go, or thinking they wont come
back-it hurts alot, doesn't it?

It also drives the other person crazy. It is most likely that the more you cling to a person the sooner they will become irritated when they are around you, and your
relationship is less than fun, and more of a burden. It’s the same
with money-I'm starting to learn that everything is a reflection of
every relationship in your life.


In fact, I’m starting to really love having my bad relationship with
money because it is giving me an opportunity to learn how to give
unconditional love in all of my relationships. It is teaching me to
let go in all of my relationships. It is teaching me how to have fun
in all of my relationships.

Wow!

Lately, even though money has been going, my account has still been
full. It leaves, and then somehow gets filled back up. It's nice to see
the growing number-then I spend it.

Recently I read a really beautiful article, and it made me think of my
relationship with money in a way I never thought of before- How would
money like to be treated? Whoa. Mind blowing. I was only thinking
about me (I want money to treat me nicer, I want money to stick
around, I want money to love me, I want money to be more abundant-not
only do I want it to do those things but it SHOULD be doing those
things). But I never thought about what money would WANT from ME.
How money would DESCRIBE ME in a relationship.

It would probably describe me as controlling, and stingy. While I am making it stay around me, there is no love but only tension which is obviously stressful and no fun-so when money gets the chance to leave it never wants to come back (this is how I would feel if I were in money's position).

So, with all of my rambling I think I have come to this. I have to be
the change I want to see in the relationship. I want to treat money
nicer, I want myself to stick around (I change when money isn't
around, i get more stressed, not as open, not as giving), I want to
love myself and I want to love money, I want myself to be more
abundant. It seems like alot to ask of myself-but if I thought money
SHOULD do it, then why not me first?

Constantly Exploring,

Can I Be Happy Without Money?

I have to make this my new challenge for the month. Money. The green stuff, the brown stuff, the gold stuff, the stuff that people say makes the world go around, the stuff that seems to determine whether I eat tonight or not, whether I get to see the world or not, to go to college, to live in a nice neighborhood, etc, etc.....or at least this is the way it appears.

Although I have tried often to make my relationship with money better (law of attraction, books, audio, blah blah blah) I still cant seem to make peace with money.

So I want to dedicate this month to my relationship with money. I want to know, "Can I have a successful life without money, without knowing it is going to come, without knowing whether I will have the money I desire to buy the things I need." Who would I be without my current thoughts about money? I want to find out, then share it with you.

I think I hate money, loath it, am annoyed with it, frustrated with it. But at the same time I want it, I feel I need it, I want more of it. It's an odd relationship, is it not? I hope at some point I will be able to say I love money, absolutely love it-and not because of what it gives me, but just because I love money since I love me. I think I'd like that.

One Thing I Know For Sure

Okay, maybe it is two things I know for sure....I know for sure that my opinions about everything are always constantly changing as I explore my thoughts and go deeper and deeper into the world of me-spirituality-reality-god, or whatever it is that ominous "it" or "presence" is. Since those opinions are always changing, so is this blog.

But what I definetly also know for sure is that nothing outside of me makes me happy. I can think back to all of the times I thought I REALLY wanted something because I just really KNEW it was going to be IT, it was going to be THE ONE that made my day........

The trips, the phone, the friends, the people, the food, the camera, the bike, the shirt, the shoes, the pants.......oh my goodness so many things I thought I needed to make me happy.  In fact I've thought I needed so many things that I look around sometimes and wonder where all of this junk inside of my house came from.

But I believe with absolute confidence I can say now that what makes me happy is not outside of me...I know I have said this before, but now I feel it within my gut, I know it deeply.

I became aware of this deeply recently because I ordered some hair products online. I'd been waiting all week for the hair products to come. I really wanted them. I wanted them so bad I stayed home for the mail man to come all week even though I wanted to go outside. I just had this craving for them..it meant alot to me.....and they came...late....and then I didn't have any reaction when I opened the package...maybe I thought balloons and a clown and a parade would pop out to tell me I just won a million bucks..who knows.

The point is, now I know for a fact, its not the outside world I'm searching for...I have a feeling its on the inside, but I don't know that for sure either, at least for right now. So I write on this blog everyday, and work on me ever day, because I have that little inkling that the happiness I'm searching for is within my own reach so much that its right here in myself, just waiting.

Cant Wait....

Have you ever just wanted to kick yourself in the butt? Well I know that this is a very tempting notion for me to pursue right now! I wish I could kick myself....

I wish I could just be over this whole money thing.....for awhile I was...I was where we would all like to be-completely at peace with money. Well, to be honest now that I am saying it, I cant even know that I was at peace with money or ignoring money (I'm thinking the later of the two). GRRR.

Geez....well there is one thing I know for sure right now. Me having trouble with money (and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if I am actually having trouble with money. Its more like trouble with my money thinking thoughts that are driving me crazy) means that I am going to have to do The Work.


I knew that at the end of one of my sessions doing The Work where I questioned my thoughts about money, I was feeling pretty good about it, but I also knew that I said I look forward to have trouble with money again..........because that's just part of the worksheet. Well here is my ample opportunity to have trouble with money again, and question those thoughts-should be fun!

www.thework.com

Gotta Love Oprah-Even the 200 pounds!

Am I late on this?

I bet I am.....

Well-Apparently there is BIG NEWS!

Oprah has gained weight, and now she is tipping the scale at 200 lbs. Its all over the news stands, and everyone is talking about it (oh The Soup cant stop making jokes about it..).

Well of course I was interested in the story because if you didn't know, I love Oprah. She is amazing to me! So I went to the store, picked up a copy of O magazine (I dont often read O but for this I would read it) and I flipped straight to the main article HOW OPRAH GAINED ALL THAT WEIGHT.

But the story only made me love her more, not that I ever stopped loving her in the first place (and I never loved her or hated her for her size to begin with). First of all it made me love her because she admits she is human. It also makes me love her because it reminded me of myself. In fact, she is guilty of something we all have probably done at some point of our lives. Talking the talk, but not walking the walk.

It so reminds me of me, because for awhile I was reading so many spiritual books, I felt like I knew everything I could ever know about it, but I was still unhappy! (and yes I was telling people what they should do to be happy). Well, just like Oprah, I know what it is like to preach about happiness, but also to be unhappy-it hurts, it sucks, it blows, i hated it!!!!

Well, just like Oprah, I am starting to learn that this life is about me me me me me me me ME always ME first!. Sound selfish? IT is! This is a selfish Universe because it always starts with ME. How can I help anyone if I am not focusing on my well being? I cant. I cant teach happiness unless I am happy. How do I become happy? By starting with me of course.

So now I am on this big trip about meeeeeeee. Now I feel like the title of my blog is fitting more and more and more with my spiritual journey. Falling in love with myself is the best thing I have ever done.

Oh and yes, this is a selfish universe-but at the same time its not at all. Its another paradox. Getting used to paradox's is almost mandatory when your on a spiritual journey because life is FULL of them and this is another one: the moment I start to become happy by focusing on me and my well being-everyone benefits! It spreads out, and manifests into great things. It inspires others to be happy as well.

Speaking of Getting What You Want.....

Hello to everyone who continues to check in on my little blog...about me.....and about finding my own spiritual path

This is another post about the much loved and much hated law of attraction.......

Its loved because it sounds like a fairytale where you can get anything you want...Anything! Plus the way it is explained by many popular books and movies makes it sound so simple....all you have to do is be happy, or feel like you already have what it is that you are wanting...and then you will get what you are wanting.......wow easy right?

WRONG!

This is why the law of attraction is much hated, and criticized by many people because it never works that way.....why? because its not easy to pretend you have something that you really really really want, because its not there! And when you're done pretending like you have it, you wake up to reality and realize its not there........and that makes people unhappy. But the key to law of attraction is being happy.....so....well you can guess what happens-I don't get what I want.

Okay so what is the key to law of attraction? Its a little complicated, but not really complicated at all, not once you get the hang of it. Really the law of attraction, and the key to utilizing it, is alot like everything that exists from our point of view-DUALITY. Duality means, two seemingly opposite things, that exist as one...or that's my take on it..........example night and morning, sun and moon, man and woman, child and adult.

Yes the key to the law of attraction is Happiness.....

Its also about realizing that the reason you want all of the things you want is because you think that those things will make you happy.

So its about realizing that those things outside of yourself that you want are not going to make you happy.

So that means you have to be happy in the moment that you are in, so that you realize that you never needed whatever it was (lets say a camera) to make you happy......because happiness exudes from inside of you and then reaches out, not the other way around.

Then when you almost forget that you thought you wanted a camera to make you happy because you realized that you can be happy without it, and you were having such a great time without it, the camera comes to you. Now you and the camera are a match, now you and the camera can coexist.

Remember everything in this world is entitled to its own life, which includes the camera, and the camera was never going to go to someone that had a strangling energy, why would it? Would you willingly go to someone who was crying in your arms when all you want to do is have a fun day? Probably not.

Confused? That's okay....I'll talk more about the law of attraction later, and how I have come to learn to make it work........

Reality Can Spice Things Up

This is an update about my own life, and my own spiritual journey because this blog is not just about facts-its also very personal.

I've realized that I have never really been in my life.


Most of the time I'm in someone else's life.

Spending my time wishing I was like this person, or liking what someone else does, or trying to do things someone else's way.......but what about me, what about my life? That is their life, and I'm trying to mentally live in their life.


Well, you know, I'm starting to realize that my life is pretty interesting. I'm starting to realize that those celebrities that we find so fascinating to watch, are fascinating because they are living in their life completely, and not looking over at someones grass that is supposedly greener.

So this is my new personal project for the new month of December.....living in my own life, staying in my own business, and realizing that my life is fascinating, wonderful, fantastic, and interesting!

Sickereedoo

Its been a week since I have been sick, and only recently have I been better!

There are a few things that are absolutely great about being sick though-appreciation.

Not being in a well body, and then being in a well body really made me appreciate the simple functions of what my body does, like the simplicity of swallowing saliva without it hurting. Being able to push myself up, to turn over, to have a clear mind, and to feel energy in my body.

I also had to marvel at how efficient my body is.

On Monday night last week I threw up horribly, but all through it I was thinking it was so cool that my body has this perfect system to completely up-haul all of this poison out of the body, that it has this perfect system to help me! Wow! How cool is that?


But now that I am feeling better, I plan on going to Psychic Horizons for a free class!

Dizzy Blue Dizzy Me

This whole week has been a complete whirlwind! I started a new job in addition to the job that I have-so now I'm trying to figure out how to not get caught up in all of the business of my own life. I'm trying to find balance in my life-because I know that if I don't I can get mean and feel so disoriented. My new question is-how can i have two jobs, friends, a boyfriend, and still have time for me? To still have my spiritual time? To still live heaven on earth? Should I meditate in the morning-if I'm not to sleepy? Or should I do yoga when I get off work? I know I will find the right balance eventually and hopefully soon!

I still plan on going Golden Gate Spiritualist Church this coming Sunday!

Yoga, Meditation, Tea

Today is November the fifth- a complete week from the day I started Yoga, Meditation and Tea! I have to say, wow, wow, wow! Just doing this for a week has changed my life!

Here are some things that changed in my life with yoga:

• more energy!
• more relaxed!
• easier to laugh throughout the day!
• more of a sense of well being
• more flexible (I can almost do the splits-almost)
• stronger !
• less tense!

Here are some things that changed in my life with meditation:

• calmer
• more of an ability to step back from problems
• easy going
• less quick to anger
• less annoyed
• easier to focus on my self-my well being

What happened to the Tea? Well it sort of disappeared! I couldn't take drinking tea after fifteen minutes of concentrated meditation. Drinking the tea was almost like another form of meditation which was too much for me-at least for now!

I think I am going to try my hardest to continue with the meditation and yoga. I just got an additional job to the one I have, and I think I will need to have my center before I go out into the world of two jobs!

What was my Yoga, Meditation, and Tea schedule like?

• Thirty minutes of yoga (Three full sun salutations)
• Sometimes listening to music during the yoga while singing really helped
• Being concious of the breath during Yoga helps make sure you are doing the same amount of time on each side of the body

• Mediation for 10-15 minutes (really dependent on how I felt)
• Concentrate on the breath
• Feel the inner body
• Listen to the silence around me

*I have to note that with feeling good through yoga and meditation, my body seemed to crave foods that were better for it-most of the week I started my day off with water, then a fruit smoothie, and two bowls of salad somewhere in between regular eating. I also found that it was easier for me to know that I was full, and not overeat-maybe it came from the yoga, the meditation, or maybe its harder to overeat healthy foods that are harder to chew!

Yoga, Meditation, and Tea

I want to start my day off with a kick in the right direction. So, what better way to start the day off well than with a little yoga, meditation, and tea?
I really would love to see how this would transform my life if I only did these things for a week-and I'm not talking hardcore Yoga, or Meditation for two hours to receive enlightenment-no just some simple stretching and sun salutations to get my juices flowing accompanied soon after with ten minutes of meditation. Why tea afterward? Well I have no idea really-just seemed like a good idea for a cool down.
Today was the first day that I started my yoga, meditation and tea. I was already awake at 5:30 Am, and when my mom woke up (about 6:00Am) I asked her if she wanted to join me with meditation since she usually stretches in the morning before she is off to work.
We did two sun salutations; after we did stretches (learned the stretches from my soccer days). Well just from the simple yoga, my body felt fantastic! I had no idea I was so stiff and hurting.
So then, I went to my room for some meditation, set my alarm for a quick ten minutes, and closed my eyes. The energy that was pulsating through my body was amazing! My whole body was alive! If I had not stopped to meditate, I wouldn’t have even known how much my body loved the yoga! Wow, simply put it just felt good.
I could some my meditation experience up in a few words "love and laughter," (from journal). One more thing to add, by the end of the meditation my mind was wandering so much, wondering when this would be over, why I decided to do this, is it over, is it over, is it over, and then thinking about work and all the orders the customers had that day. And I laughed at these thoughts. I can’t wait to see what my mind will be doing tomorrow.
So I definitely think that if I just tried my meditation and yoga for a week (November 5th) I will be feeling like a different woman! I can’t wait to see.
Oh yes, and the tea was a nice touch at the end because it is another focusing tool-focus on the warmth on your hands, the smell in your nose, the tea touching your lips.
Until tomorrow,

Me First, Things Second

Living in the moment

Realizing each moment is amazing

Teaching the mind to quiet itself so that the present moment can show up

Allowing the right brain to be equally as dominant as the left brain

Seeing the world for what it truly is-energy in motion-atoms and molecules-vibration that is being seen with my senses as solid.

These are my goals in life. I dont know how many months ago it was,but I started to learn about the law of attraction, I mean go beyond "The Secret" and really learn how to use the law of attraction through Abraham teachings. I got soooooo good at the law of attraction. So many things began to happen all at once. So much change. Friends, money, jobs, it all seemed to be flocking to me. And then I became unhappy after awhile.

How could I be unhappy with all of these amazing things happening to me, things that I wanted, things that I asked for?

Well, the problem I believe was with the results. I became lost in my results, lost in the physical. To realy utilize the law of attraction I had to become connected with life force, with Source, God..etc. I had to primarily realize that I am more than this physical body, that I am so much more, and become connected to that-of course with that connection came all of the things I was asking for!

But when all the things I was asking for happened so quickly, I stopped focusing primarily on the inner me, and started focusing on the physical as primary-and thats when I became unhappy. So thats what sparked this blog, and this blog could not have come at a better time because my significant other has just left for a week, which gives me time to focus on me, to find my center again.

"So now I know not to get lost in the physical again-although physical things are nice. But first and foremost I know that I have to be connected with my inner self, I have to remember that I am spirit but also that I have to actively get to that place of spirit by focusing on it- and only then will all of the things I want come, but not only will they come but they will be satisfying when they do because I never depended on those things to be happy in the first place, I was always happy, and whatever comes is a nice addition. But even if what comes chooses to leave, it wouldnt matter because I never depended on those things to be happy. Those things were just additional things to look at and enjoy," (from journal)

This blog is going to be about my journey fine tuning myself to the present moment, because there is so much relief in it! I love it! It just feels so good when I feel my mind squirming my thoughts going crazy and running amuck, and then I remember I can shut those thoughts off, and live right now! I know it doesnt sound exciting when i write it down, but when you actually experience it, it feels fantastic!

Present moment living, with the law of attraction, I think this will be a beautiful new relationship.