Lucky for me I dont Like Money

These are three journal entries I wrote over the past week that involve money. This month I vowed to work on my relationship with money because I'm tired of being controlled by my negative thoughts about money-it was getting to the point of driving me crazy! I like to ask myself now, "if money was your boyfriend/girlfriend would you want to still be in the relationship?"

January 17, 2009

Today my money was not stable. I knew it was going to start coming
out of my bank account, so I braced myself for it all day. First, I
only used nickels dimes and quarters to take the bus today thinking I
could possibly avoid going to my bank and taking out the crispy
twenties.

Honestly, I hate to see money go. I want it to stay, to stick around
longer, and to keep on piling up.

(some might say, "what does money have to do with happiness? I
thought true happiness came from spirit or self, or some other far out
place." Well, that may be true, but for now I know this is true for
me: all of my relationships, the good and bad are teaching me
something and the bad relationships are especially helpful because
they give me an opportunity to open up. Lucky for me I have a bad
relationship with money, and I am happy to keep on working on my
relationship with it, because each time I do, I understand it more,
and I begin to understand myself.)

I hate to see money go

I want it to stay

I am afraid money won’t come back

I want money to keep piling up



January 21, 2009

What’s Money Doing?

-It’s coming and going
-It’s steady
-I am feeling less afraid of it

(I have found some wonderful blogs that discuss money that I happened on by chance. They are beautifully written, and I really love reading them. )

-I am starting to learn that there is nothing to fear about money….that it comes back
-Now, if I replaced the word money with boyfriend-how would I feel about this guy I’m dating? (My boyfriend is coming and going, he is steady, and I am feeling less afraid about him because I know that he comes back). Wow, it sounds like I’m starting to fall in love with my boyfriend, it even looks like a relationship worth keeping!


January 23, 2009

Money is more fun than I thought it was. Yes, it comes and goes. But
without the thought that it shouldn't go, or the thought that it wont
come back, then everything changes. Imagine telling your boyfriend,
or your best friend that they shouldn't go, or thinking they wont come
back-it hurts alot, doesn't it?

It also drives the other person crazy. It is most likely that the more you cling to a person the sooner they will become irritated when they are around you, and your
relationship is less than fun, and more of a burden. It’s the same
with money-I'm starting to learn that everything is a reflection of
every relationship in your life.


In fact, I’m starting to really love having my bad relationship with
money because it is giving me an opportunity to learn how to give
unconditional love in all of my relationships. It is teaching me to
let go in all of my relationships. It is teaching me how to have fun
in all of my relationships.

Wow!

Lately, even though money has been going, my account has still been
full. It leaves, and then somehow gets filled back up. It's nice to see
the growing number-then I spend it.

Recently I read a really beautiful article, and it made me think of my
relationship with money in a way I never thought of before- How would
money like to be treated? Whoa. Mind blowing. I was only thinking
about me (I want money to treat me nicer, I want money to stick
around, I want money to love me, I want money to be more abundant-not
only do I want it to do those things but it SHOULD be doing those
things). But I never thought about what money would WANT from ME.
How money would DESCRIBE ME in a relationship.

It would probably describe me as controlling, and stingy. While I am making it stay around me, there is no love but only tension which is obviously stressful and no fun-so when money gets the chance to leave it never wants to come back (this is how I would feel if I were in money's position).

So, with all of my rambling I think I have come to this. I have to be
the change I want to see in the relationship. I want to treat money
nicer, I want myself to stick around (I change when money isn't
around, i get more stressed, not as open, not as giving), I want to
love myself and I want to love money, I want myself to be more
abundant. It seems like alot to ask of myself-but if I thought money
SHOULD do it, then why not me first?

Constantly Exploring,

The Kernal or the Kobb?

I love to see people so enthusiastic about our new president. People say that he gives them hope, something to believe in, and a breath of fresh air. Yet, there is more to the story. People are feeling hopeful not because of what are president is doing (what has he done yet?) but they are feeling hopeful because of what they are doing for themselves.



People are giving themselves hope because their thinking is changing. People are giving themselves hope because they are changing how they think of themselves, of their world, of who they are. In fact, they were the only one with the power to make themselves feel better, they are doing it.



I personally feel it is important to make this distinction because if you don't, you are giving all of your power away. It is like saying "my happiness, my well being, and who I want to be all depends on....(place name here)" but when something goes wrong, or does not go your way, what will happen to all of those good feelings?



It is important to realize that "I have started to change the way I think. The way I think is starting to give me more hope. I no longer think that I have no power. I have always had the power to make me feel good."



I wanted to point this out because I want people to be able to keep their power. I want people to understand what it feels to completely live inside of themselves. To feel the wholeness of themselves.



The new president knows how to do this. He knows what it takes to be a whole person. He does not allow outside influences to dictate his personal power. HE moves along effortlessly through the world and does amazing things because he is strong within, because he is a whole person. The same goes for other amazing people that we marvel at each day, such as Oprah (a personal favorite), Gandhi, Pop stars, Movie stars. These people have personal power because they have come to understand how to utilize their thought power, and how to live completely inside of themselves



Could you imagine, just for a moment, if there were more whole people out there? Could you imagine if there were more people not giving their power away to other people, but realizing it was always they who were giving themselves hope, love, freedom, and power? Could you imagine if there were more people out there that minded their own business, that focused on themselves, that delighted in themselves, that knew that they were the only ones with all of the control in their lives. How would the world be different? Wouldn't problems be easier to solve?

If you really want to learn how to give yourself power, begin to observe. Observe when you become happy-was it the outside influence, or was it you changing your thought pattern? Remember it is always you, this whole world is about you right now because it can't be any other way-you are the one living inside of your body, and living life from your perspective.

I remember once I was down because I had no money, I only had five dollars (I guess I did have money). I took the five dollars out of one pants pocket, placed it in another pants pocket, and then left my room to go to the kitchen. I came back to my room, and reached into the pants pocket I transferred the money to, but I forgot I'd placed the money in that pocket. I was sooooo happy for a moment when I felt my hand feel the money because I thought I'd left some money in there from months ago. I didn't know it was the same money I just felt five minutes ago-I was thinking I was going to be a couple of dollars richer. Well, it turned out it was the same money-but for that split moment I became happy just with the thought I had more money.....Who made me happy in that moment, the money itself or the thought of having more money? And if I can have the thought of more money that makes me happy, and if I can manipulate my thoughts, who has the power-ME.

It's time we start giving ourselves some credit.

(Okay, so when I write it is alot of me saying *you you you. Well really, I am not trying to tell you to do anything-I'm really writing for me just as much as anyone who reads this. I really take my articles to heart. I want myself to be a more of a whole person, to have personal power, to not give it all away-why?-because I love myself.)

Thought Clouds

There is nothing in there that is me.  

No spirit, no divine within.

  

I am it. 

 

All of it.

  

I thought I had to search for days months and years.

  

I thought that I had to go on a long journey to find my soul.

  

But now I find out that I was all I was looking for.

  

That I was already whole.

  

How could it be any other way?  

Acts of Impulse

Lately I have been having alot of fun being out of control. The More get past the stories of my life (I am going to be an artist, I am in school, I am a very kind person) the more I get to feel that little impulse of inspiration.

The impulse doesn't have to be for big things, like a project that will yield me a million dollars, or the next great idea for mac (I used to think that was what it was all about). I'm talking about little tiny impulses that just feel so good when you do them, they are like the itch that you just have to scratch and when you finally do get to scratch it feels AMAZING.

For instance, yesterday I walked into a restroom at a coffee shop.There was water on the sink, dry paper towels that someone just placed there, and paper towels on the floor near the garbage. I had an impulse to clean the mess up-the next second the logical side of my brain said don't touch it, just use the bathroom and go. Would I have liked it if I were working at the coffee shop and someone cleaned this up for me? Yes. Did I clean it? Yes. Then I washed my hands.

The best part was that no one knew I did it. I didn't tell the staff that I just did them a favor, or my boyfriend who waiting for me, or my mom. It was because of the impulse I did it-so really I did it for me. It always begins and ends with me.