Lucky for me I dont Like Money

These are three journal entries I wrote over the past week that involve money. This month I vowed to work on my relationship with money because I'm tired of being controlled by my negative thoughts about money-it was getting to the point of driving me crazy! I like to ask myself now, "if money was your boyfriend/girlfriend would you want to still be in the relationship?"

January 17, 2009

Today my money was not stable. I knew it was going to start coming
out of my bank account, so I braced myself for it all day. First, I
only used nickels dimes and quarters to take the bus today thinking I
could possibly avoid going to my bank and taking out the crispy
twenties.

Honestly, I hate to see money go. I want it to stay, to stick around
longer, and to keep on piling up.

(some might say, "what does money have to do with happiness? I
thought true happiness came from spirit or self, or some other far out
place." Well, that may be true, but for now I know this is true for
me: all of my relationships, the good and bad are teaching me
something and the bad relationships are especially helpful because
they give me an opportunity to open up. Lucky for me I have a bad
relationship with money, and I am happy to keep on working on my
relationship with it, because each time I do, I understand it more,
and I begin to understand myself.)

I hate to see money go

I want it to stay

I am afraid money won’t come back

I want money to keep piling up



January 21, 2009

What’s Money Doing?

-It’s coming and going
-It’s steady
-I am feeling less afraid of it

(I have found some wonderful blogs that discuss money that I happened on by chance. They are beautifully written, and I really love reading them. )

-I am starting to learn that there is nothing to fear about money….that it comes back
-Now, if I replaced the word money with boyfriend-how would I feel about this guy I’m dating? (My boyfriend is coming and going, he is steady, and I am feeling less afraid about him because I know that he comes back). Wow, it sounds like I’m starting to fall in love with my boyfriend, it even looks like a relationship worth keeping!


January 23, 2009

Money is more fun than I thought it was. Yes, it comes and goes. But
without the thought that it shouldn't go, or the thought that it wont
come back, then everything changes. Imagine telling your boyfriend,
or your best friend that they shouldn't go, or thinking they wont come
back-it hurts alot, doesn't it?

It also drives the other person crazy. It is most likely that the more you cling to a person the sooner they will become irritated when they are around you, and your
relationship is less than fun, and more of a burden. It’s the same
with money-I'm starting to learn that everything is a reflection of
every relationship in your life.


In fact, I’m starting to really love having my bad relationship with
money because it is giving me an opportunity to learn how to give
unconditional love in all of my relationships. It is teaching me to
let go in all of my relationships. It is teaching me how to have fun
in all of my relationships.

Wow!

Lately, even though money has been going, my account has still been
full. It leaves, and then somehow gets filled back up. It's nice to see
the growing number-then I spend it.

Recently I read a really beautiful article, and it made me think of my
relationship with money in a way I never thought of before- How would
money like to be treated? Whoa. Mind blowing. I was only thinking
about me (I want money to treat me nicer, I want money to stick
around, I want money to love me, I want money to be more abundant-not
only do I want it to do those things but it SHOULD be doing those
things). But I never thought about what money would WANT from ME.
How money would DESCRIBE ME in a relationship.

It would probably describe me as controlling, and stingy. While I am making it stay around me, there is no love but only tension which is obviously stressful and no fun-so when money gets the chance to leave it never wants to come back (this is how I would feel if I were in money's position).

So, with all of my rambling I think I have come to this. I have to be
the change I want to see in the relationship. I want to treat money
nicer, I want myself to stick around (I change when money isn't
around, i get more stressed, not as open, not as giving), I want to
love myself and I want to love money, I want myself to be more
abundant. It seems like alot to ask of myself-but if I thought money
SHOULD do it, then why not me first?

Constantly Exploring,

Can I Be Happy Without Money?

I have to make this my new challenge for the month. Money. The green stuff, the brown stuff, the gold stuff, the stuff that people say makes the world go around, the stuff that seems to determine whether I eat tonight or not, whether I get to see the world or not, to go to college, to live in a nice neighborhood, etc, etc.....or at least this is the way it appears.

Although I have tried often to make my relationship with money better (law of attraction, books, audio, blah blah blah) I still cant seem to make peace with money.

So I want to dedicate this month to my relationship with money. I want to know, "Can I have a successful life without money, without knowing it is going to come, without knowing whether I will have the money I desire to buy the things I need." Who would I be without my current thoughts about money? I want to find out, then share it with you.

I think I hate money, loath it, am annoyed with it, frustrated with it. But at the same time I want it, I feel I need it, I want more of it. It's an odd relationship, is it not? I hope at some point I will be able to say I love money, absolutely love it-and not because of what it gives me, but just because I love money since I love me. I think I'd like that.

Tired of the Green: Finding Myself Challenge

I did the judge your neighbor worksheet about money today-it was very enlightening! Me and money don't have the best relationship, even after learning about the law of attraction, and so on and so on and so on.......but doing the worksheet on money today, made me view money in a completely different way! Below are the key points I realized.

( http://www.thework.com/downloads/JudgeYourNeighbor.pdf)

• Money is life, just like everything else

• Just like everything that is life, it is free, and free to move about as it pleases

• Money never has to do anything because its free

• Money knows the best place for itself to be

• Money is like a boyfriend, friend, sister, brother, son, daughter etc.-the more you try to dictate its movement and freedom, the more elusive and standoffish it becomes (You know what I'm talking about. Its like when your mom always told you to do something like clean your room, and the more she would tell you to do it, the more you would get annoyed and you would resent her telling you what to do, so the more you would push away from her and not clean your room-well money does the same thing in regards of you telling it what to do)

• Money doesn't have to bust my bank account, always be in my pocket, be there when I need it, or always be available-because it just doesn't have to!

Judge Your Neighbor-Judge Myself

I did it!

I did my first Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet..and Oh my goodness, it took so long! (45 min)

But it was worth it, and it the issues I wrote about completely flipped themselves, and NOW i look at the other person, and myself in a completely different way. I feel free!

I cant even begin to imagine where I will be if I do the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet at least once a day for the rest of the month....I cant wait to see!

Try it out for yourself....... http://www.thework.com/downloads/JudgeYourNeighbor.pdf

December Challenge-Finding My Self

Its a new month!

And that means its time for a new challenge!!!

Just like I did yoga, meditation and tea for a week, I plan on challenging myself in a new way-but this time it will be for the entire month of December.

What is it?

Appropriate and ironic, it is going to be about the name of my blog Finding Myself and Living It.

As I keep moving through my life (well probably for the past week), it dawned on me that I haven't actually been participating in my life fully. Then, I thought back to sooooooooo many examples of where I've never actually been living my life-how sad! Well I want to live in my life fully, and to shine, and enjoy!

It also became clear to me that living my own life has been one of my deepest desires. This has to be the reason why songs like "Living my Life" have touched me so deeply, because its what I really want!

Ways I don't fully live my life:

• Looking at other people and then wanting what they have, and then giving examples about what they have and what I don't have, so...
• Comparison
• Waiting on others to have a good time
• Thinking my happiness is dependent on something outside of myself
• Wanting things I don't need

The examples above are ways I don't fully live my life and they, always, always, always take me outside of myself, so that I mentally am living in another life.......so the new challenge of the month is....

To live in my life, HOW? To question my thoughts as they come...WHAT ELSE...to do the full 6 question judge your neighbor worksheet at least once a day (part of the four questions of inquiry).....WHAT IS THE INQUIRY WORKSHEET...check it out on this URL - http://www.thework.com/downloads/JudgeYourNeighbor.pdf

My ultimate goal is freedom! Peace! Happiness! and I honestly don't want it to depend on anyone but ME because in the end I am always with myself! Wish me luck!