Stability Like A Rock

"My foundation crumbled, and I saw what was underneath it-soil." (Thomas Belli)

I really fell in love with this quote from the moment I heard it. I was sitting in the car with a dear friend of mine who never wants to talk about anything serious to often. But, on this rare occasion he somehow did talk about something real-and this is why I love it when he does, because beautiful truths come out of his mouth.

This quote is so true, isn't it? We all start off building our lives, laying down the concrete, putting on the plaster, building up walls, making everything seem more secure. Then something will usually happen at some point in all of our lives. It happens because it has to.

All that we worked so hard to keep preserved, and seemingly stable in our lives begins to get shaky, then crumble, and eventually it falls.

Some of us try to build another strong foundation, or others may look around at the ruins, and suddenly see that there is fertile soil underneath of the that gunk that we tried to make so strong and secure.

It's beautiful because so many things can grow out of the soil, so many possibilities can come from it.

This is what happened in my life. I had my illusion of a life, a life that I felt was invincible because I had the friends, family, home etc. etc....then one day it all began to tear itself apart-and it lead me to where I am now....the heaven on earth, the only place where lasting stability can be found because its not stable at all-because it is.....

What's in a friend....?

(Before I even begin...There is a picture of cows to the left...It has nothing to really do with the post I just like the way they look...but it could have to do with the post if you think of it in terms of the relationships)

I'm always full of questions. Its been that way since the day I knew I was alive. Now I am wondering something new. What's in a friend? What is friendship? I mean really...what is it? I'm starting to question it. I like friends because they make me feel good and I make them feel good so that's why we like being around each other...

I still feel like there is more to friendship that I haven't yet discovered, more to this relationship to one another thing....

I guess I wonder because for awhile I felt all alone....and I didn't want to be alone.....then I became okay with being alone...and now I cant keep people from coming in through my front back and side doors....

-Pondering

Tuning in for the New Year?? What! Already???

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!

Wow that statement has me going, Oh man! I can't believe a year has already gone by....it sure doesn't feel like it to me, how about you?

Well, 2008 took me to some crazy places that I never thought that I would even go. It was in 2008 that I began to try to find out more about this spiritual stuff, and realized some crazy things about the me, the body I live in, the world in general.........

Lets see....I read the power of now, a new earth, stillness speaks, plenty of psychic and astrology books I cant even think of the names for them, I learned about the law of attraction through Oprah, the secret DVD, and many of the beloved Abraham Hicks books. Not to mention I finally got around to reading the fantastic Byron Katie's books. (feewww that was alot for one year).

Honestly, I think I've had alot of fun! (wow I never thought that I would be saying that)

So whats to come next year, what am I expecting for the new year? I have no idea....truely...but I feel that its good, i feel that its actually going to be quite fantastic.

In fact I can already feel my life evolving to places I only dreamed of, literally...the funny thing is that all I had to do was let go.......

With Love...

Speaking of Control Freaks

Unknown to me until recently, I have found that I am a huge control freak!  If you would have asked me a couple of months ago I probably would have told you a different story- I would have told you that I was a selfless person that simply goes with the flow of life.  But sadly (or not so sadly) I was wrong, wrong, wrong!

But you know, I think that we all have control issues.  We want to control the weather, or what someone else is thinking, or what someone else is doing, or we even want to control situations that we don't like, but have no power to actually change.  Its absolutely maddening!

Well today I realized something brand new (or at least it was new to me):

We think we are in control of people, and we especially think we are in control of them when we tell them what to do and they do it.  When someone does as I say I feel like I have the power, I am the one that made them do that!  But today I realized this is far from the truth.  It was their choice to do what I said.  Their choice.  It never had to do with me.  It was just as much their choice to do as I said as it was their choice to not do as I said.  So it was never about me, it was always always always about them.  

It's very freeing to realize this.  To know that nothing anyone does is necessarily personal in relation to you-no, everything everyone does is very personal to them.

Gotta Love Oprah-Even the 200 pounds!

Am I late on this?

I bet I am.....

Well-Apparently there is BIG NEWS!

Oprah has gained weight, and now she is tipping the scale at 200 lbs. Its all over the news stands, and everyone is talking about it (oh The Soup cant stop making jokes about it..).

Well of course I was interested in the story because if you didn't know, I love Oprah. She is amazing to me! So I went to the store, picked up a copy of O magazine (I dont often read O but for this I would read it) and I flipped straight to the main article HOW OPRAH GAINED ALL THAT WEIGHT.

But the story only made me love her more, not that I ever stopped loving her in the first place (and I never loved her or hated her for her size to begin with). First of all it made me love her because she admits she is human. It also makes me love her because it reminded me of myself. In fact, she is guilty of something we all have probably done at some point of our lives. Talking the talk, but not walking the walk.

It so reminds me of me, because for awhile I was reading so many spiritual books, I felt like I knew everything I could ever know about it, but I was still unhappy! (and yes I was telling people what they should do to be happy). Well, just like Oprah, I know what it is like to preach about happiness, but also to be unhappy-it hurts, it sucks, it blows, i hated it!!!!

Well, just like Oprah, I am starting to learn that this life is about me me me me me me me ME always ME first!. Sound selfish? IT is! This is a selfish Universe because it always starts with ME. How can I help anyone if I am not focusing on my well being? I cant. I cant teach happiness unless I am happy. How do I become happy? By starting with me of course.

So now I am on this big trip about meeeeeeee. Now I feel like the title of my blog is fitting more and more and more with my spiritual journey. Falling in love with myself is the best thing I have ever done.

Oh and yes, this is a selfish universe-but at the same time its not at all. Its another paradox. Getting used to paradox's is almost mandatory when your on a spiritual journey because life is FULL of them and this is another one: the moment I start to become happy by focusing on me and my well being-everyone benefits! It spreads out, and manifests into great things. It inspires others to be happy as well.

Thought Clouds:Loving My Neighbor

I just got back from a week long trip to southern California. What a treat-it was cold (which I love) there was snow on the mountains (which was beautiful) and I was able to meet alot of amazing people.


While I was on the trip, I was able to read some of Byron Katie's book, A Thousand Names for Joy (yes it takes me awhile to read sometimes-its been about a month). One of the paragraphs in the book stuck out to me like a big red thumb. It touched me, and it might touch some of you. Enjoy.


" 'Love thy neighbor as thyself.' I always have: I hated me, I hated you. Today I love me, and there is nothing I can do not to love you"


I love this quote. I mean, think of a time when you just really loved being around a person you usually see. Think of it, imagine it. You loved them, you loved yourself, you loved everything around you. Now think of a time you were around the same person, and you couldn't stand them-chances are you couldn't stand them, yourself, or anything around you.


Loving people has everything to do with you. Do you love yourself today? Chances are if you do you not only love yourself but you love everyone around you, you can enjoy the people around you. Do you hate yourself today? Chances are you hate everyone around you, including you, because it always starts with you. I love me. I love you. That's the way it works.