One Thing I Know For Sure

Okay, maybe it is two things I know for sure....I know for sure that my opinions about everything are always constantly changing as I explore my thoughts and go deeper and deeper into the world of me-spirituality-reality-god, or whatever it is that ominous "it" or "presence" is. Since those opinions are always changing, so is this blog.

But what I definetly also know for sure is that nothing outside of me makes me happy. I can think back to all of the times I thought I REALLY wanted something because I just really KNEW it was going to be IT, it was going to be THE ONE that made my day........

The trips, the phone, the friends, the people, the food, the camera, the bike, the shirt, the shoes, the pants.......oh my goodness so many things I thought I needed to make me happy.  In fact I've thought I needed so many things that I look around sometimes and wonder where all of this junk inside of my house came from.

But I believe with absolute confidence I can say now that what makes me happy is not outside of me...I know I have said this before, but now I feel it within my gut, I know it deeply.

I became aware of this deeply recently because I ordered some hair products online. I'd been waiting all week for the hair products to come. I really wanted them. I wanted them so bad I stayed home for the mail man to come all week even though I wanted to go outside. I just had this craving for them..it meant alot to me.....and they came...late....and then I didn't have any reaction when I opened the package...maybe I thought balloons and a clown and a parade would pop out to tell me I just won a million bucks..who knows.

The point is, now I know for a fact, its not the outside world I'm searching for...I have a feeling its on the inside, but I don't know that for sure either, at least for right now. So I write on this blog everyday, and work on me ever day, because I have that little inkling that the happiness I'm searching for is within my own reach so much that its right here in myself, just waiting.