Love is good, and love is bad

How can I love everyone?
What is love?
Who is the face of God?
How is God love?

My personal journey for the rest of this month, and the month of may will be to understand love.

Love is probably one of the most fascinating discoveries I have uncovered so far, and I want to understand it deeper, I want to feel it.

My personal definition of love is now this:

Love is the allowance/acceptance of all things.

So is it true that all we need is love? Well, maybe it is true-if love is the allowance and acceptance of all things, how would the world change if this definition of love was taken to heart? Or better yet, forget the world, how would I change?

Everyday questions?

Are there people out there that just have everyday questions that they need advice on? Ever day frustrations that they want to discuss? Basically, everyday anythings? Well if you do, please talk to me! I really want to know what people are thinking, what people need help with, what people want to know because I find that I forget what people really want. It would help enrich my life as well as yours! Thanks!

Love, love, love?

I have been away from this blog for about two months, just figuring things out, and I have had some amazing discoveries! Most important, I have been enjoying my life-creating things I want-and finding the peace, love, friendship, and prosperity that I have always wanted.

In fact-my two month journey has been so inspiring to me that I am working on two seperate projects. One is a fictional book, and the other is a handbook about creating what you want.

The handbook is fun to write, and inspiration, and is actually being written on post it's at the moment so the ideas can move around easier! Its great!

One note....I think that two months ago, my "spiritual" journey changed dramatically when I challenged myself for one month to answer this question "HOW CAN I LOVE EVERYONE UNCONDITIONALLY?"

Law of Attraction

Does anyone know about the law of attraction? Does anyone think they really have it?

Financial Alchemy

www.abundanceandprosperity.com

January is almost over...which means my month of specific money exploration is coming to an end...well technically it is supposed to end, but that may or may not happen (I probably just wont write about it as much).

I cant believe where the journey has taken me. I started off not understanding money, hating money, loathing it, and needing it all at the same time, to coming to understand how important it is to have a loving caring relationship with money.

Around two day's ago I went to a website I found called www.abundanceandprosperity.com where a woman named Morgana Rae talks about financial alchemy.

She said to list the reason why you hate money, what money has represented to you, your underlying beliefs about money, then she stated that you should create a money villain-what would the money villain look like, smell like, taste like, feel like, does he break you down emotionally? Write it down, create that character that completely repulses you.

Then divorce the money villain.

After the divorce create your money honey....if money were a person, the love of your life, how would they be? What would they look like, feel like, taste like, act like? How would you act around this person? Fall in love with the character, fall in love with your new money honey.

I did the exercise, and you know what-it was awesome! The next day I found $26 which means alot to me! The exercise is great because you create an automatic new relationship with money, you can start to ask yourself what your money honey would like-you start to also realize that money desires you just as much as you desire it, and that it loves you just as much as you love it.

I suggest to everyone that they check out Morgana Rae's website www.abundanceandprosperity.com where Morgana Rae offers a free ebook and mp3 interview just for signing up for her free newsletter.

I will post examples of what my money honey, and money villains were like just to give you guys an idea!

Lucky for me I dont Like Money

These are three journal entries I wrote over the past week that involve money. This month I vowed to work on my relationship with money because I'm tired of being controlled by my negative thoughts about money-it was getting to the point of driving me crazy! I like to ask myself now, "if money was your boyfriend/girlfriend would you want to still be in the relationship?"

January 17, 2009

Today my money was not stable. I knew it was going to start coming
out of my bank account, so I braced myself for it all day. First, I
only used nickels dimes and quarters to take the bus today thinking I
could possibly avoid going to my bank and taking out the crispy
twenties.

Honestly, I hate to see money go. I want it to stay, to stick around
longer, and to keep on piling up.

(some might say, "what does money have to do with happiness? I
thought true happiness came from spirit or self, or some other far out
place." Well, that may be true, but for now I know this is true for
me: all of my relationships, the good and bad are teaching me
something and the bad relationships are especially helpful because
they give me an opportunity to open up. Lucky for me I have a bad
relationship with money, and I am happy to keep on working on my
relationship with it, because each time I do, I understand it more,
and I begin to understand myself.)

I hate to see money go

I want it to stay

I am afraid money won’t come back

I want money to keep piling up



January 21, 2009

What’s Money Doing?

-It’s coming and going
-It’s steady
-I am feeling less afraid of it

(I have found some wonderful blogs that discuss money that I happened on by chance. They are beautifully written, and I really love reading them. )

-I am starting to learn that there is nothing to fear about money….that it comes back
-Now, if I replaced the word money with boyfriend-how would I feel about this guy I’m dating? (My boyfriend is coming and going, he is steady, and I am feeling less afraid about him because I know that he comes back). Wow, it sounds like I’m starting to fall in love with my boyfriend, it even looks like a relationship worth keeping!


January 23, 2009

Money is more fun than I thought it was. Yes, it comes and goes. But
without the thought that it shouldn't go, or the thought that it wont
come back, then everything changes. Imagine telling your boyfriend,
or your best friend that they shouldn't go, or thinking they wont come
back-it hurts alot, doesn't it?

It also drives the other person crazy. It is most likely that the more you cling to a person the sooner they will become irritated when they are around you, and your
relationship is less than fun, and more of a burden. It’s the same
with money-I'm starting to learn that everything is a reflection of
every relationship in your life.


In fact, I’m starting to really love having my bad relationship with
money because it is giving me an opportunity to learn how to give
unconditional love in all of my relationships. It is teaching me to
let go in all of my relationships. It is teaching me how to have fun
in all of my relationships.

Wow!

Lately, even though money has been going, my account has still been
full. It leaves, and then somehow gets filled back up. It's nice to see
the growing number-then I spend it.

Recently I read a really beautiful article, and it made me think of my
relationship with money in a way I never thought of before- How would
money like to be treated? Whoa. Mind blowing. I was only thinking
about me (I want money to treat me nicer, I want money to stick
around, I want money to love me, I want money to be more abundant-not
only do I want it to do those things but it SHOULD be doing those
things). But I never thought about what money would WANT from ME.
How money would DESCRIBE ME in a relationship.

It would probably describe me as controlling, and stingy. While I am making it stay around me, there is no love but only tension which is obviously stressful and no fun-so when money gets the chance to leave it never wants to come back (this is how I would feel if I were in money's position).

So, with all of my rambling I think I have come to this. I have to be
the change I want to see in the relationship. I want to treat money
nicer, I want myself to stick around (I change when money isn't
around, i get more stressed, not as open, not as giving), I want to
love myself and I want to love money, I want myself to be more
abundant. It seems like alot to ask of myself-but if I thought money
SHOULD do it, then why not me first?

Constantly Exploring,

The Kernal or the Kobb?

I love to see people so enthusiastic about our new president. People say that he gives them hope, something to believe in, and a breath of fresh air. Yet, there is more to the story. People are feeling hopeful not because of what are president is doing (what has he done yet?) but they are feeling hopeful because of what they are doing for themselves.



People are giving themselves hope because their thinking is changing. People are giving themselves hope because they are changing how they think of themselves, of their world, of who they are. In fact, they were the only one with the power to make themselves feel better, they are doing it.



I personally feel it is important to make this distinction because if you don't, you are giving all of your power away. It is like saying "my happiness, my well being, and who I want to be all depends on....(place name here)" but when something goes wrong, or does not go your way, what will happen to all of those good feelings?



It is important to realize that "I have started to change the way I think. The way I think is starting to give me more hope. I no longer think that I have no power. I have always had the power to make me feel good."



I wanted to point this out because I want people to be able to keep their power. I want people to understand what it feels to completely live inside of themselves. To feel the wholeness of themselves.



The new president knows how to do this. He knows what it takes to be a whole person. He does not allow outside influences to dictate his personal power. HE moves along effortlessly through the world and does amazing things because he is strong within, because he is a whole person. The same goes for other amazing people that we marvel at each day, such as Oprah (a personal favorite), Gandhi, Pop stars, Movie stars. These people have personal power because they have come to understand how to utilize their thought power, and how to live completely inside of themselves



Could you imagine, just for a moment, if there were more whole people out there? Could you imagine if there were more people not giving their power away to other people, but realizing it was always they who were giving themselves hope, love, freedom, and power? Could you imagine if there were more people out there that minded their own business, that focused on themselves, that delighted in themselves, that knew that they were the only ones with all of the control in their lives. How would the world be different? Wouldn't problems be easier to solve?

If you really want to learn how to give yourself power, begin to observe. Observe when you become happy-was it the outside influence, or was it you changing your thought pattern? Remember it is always you, this whole world is about you right now because it can't be any other way-you are the one living inside of your body, and living life from your perspective.

I remember once I was down because I had no money, I only had five dollars (I guess I did have money). I took the five dollars out of one pants pocket, placed it in another pants pocket, and then left my room to go to the kitchen. I came back to my room, and reached into the pants pocket I transferred the money to, but I forgot I'd placed the money in that pocket. I was sooooo happy for a moment when I felt my hand feel the money because I thought I'd left some money in there from months ago. I didn't know it was the same money I just felt five minutes ago-I was thinking I was going to be a couple of dollars richer. Well, it turned out it was the same money-but for that split moment I became happy just with the thought I had more money.....Who made me happy in that moment, the money itself or the thought of having more money? And if I can have the thought of more money that makes me happy, and if I can manipulate my thoughts, who has the power-ME.

It's time we start giving ourselves some credit.

(Okay, so when I write it is alot of me saying *you you you. Well really, I am not trying to tell you to do anything-I'm really writing for me just as much as anyone who reads this. I really take my articles to heart. I want myself to be a more of a whole person, to have personal power, to not give it all away-why?-because I love myself.)

Thought Clouds

There is nothing in there that is me.  

No spirit, no divine within.

  

I am it. 

 

All of it.

  

I thought I had to search for days months and years.

  

I thought that I had to go on a long journey to find my soul.

  

But now I find out that I was all I was looking for.

  

That I was already whole.

  

How could it be any other way?  

Acts of Impulse

Lately I have been having alot of fun being out of control. The More get past the stories of my life (I am going to be an artist, I am in school, I am a very kind person) the more I get to feel that little impulse of inspiration.

The impulse doesn't have to be for big things, like a project that will yield me a million dollars, or the next great idea for mac (I used to think that was what it was all about). I'm talking about little tiny impulses that just feel so good when you do them, they are like the itch that you just have to scratch and when you finally do get to scratch it feels AMAZING.

For instance, yesterday I walked into a restroom at a coffee shop.There was water on the sink, dry paper towels that someone just placed there, and paper towels on the floor near the garbage. I had an impulse to clean the mess up-the next second the logical side of my brain said don't touch it, just use the bathroom and go. Would I have liked it if I were working at the coffee shop and someone cleaned this up for me? Yes. Did I clean it? Yes. Then I washed my hands.

The best part was that no one knew I did it. I didn't tell the staff that I just did them a favor, or my boyfriend who waiting for me, or my mom. It was because of the impulse I did it-so really I did it for me. It always begins and ends with me.

Is Money Mine?

I am still determined to give myself the peace I truly desire from money. So I am going to pretend like money is my boyfriend this month. Yes, a boyfriend that I really love and care about and that I really want to be with. Yet there is one problem with the relationship. In my point of view, the boyfriend does not treat me so well, so I want to work on our relationship. Its an emergency though, so we have to go to hardcore counseling right away. (replace boyfriend with money)

So right now I am watching what it does. This is the first assignment. To watch what money does so I can see how it functions, how it works, who it is.

This is what I have come up with. money is constantly fluctuating, it comes then it leaves. I also notice it does not come to me at all one day, then another day it wants to be in my pocket

Bible Talk-yay! or nay?

I had to think about this before I wrote it because it almost seems like a death sentence, but I figured I might as well write about it because it has been my little insight for the day.

As I begin to realize that I hold the power to my peace and happiness, that I am the one that allows or disallows my well being, that it is ME who holds the power, many of things have begun to clear up for me. For instance, early in the morning I woke up and I thought to myself this quote that Jesus said:

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Suddenly it made perfect sense. If someone was saying this in a present teaching they might have said this:

"I am that, which is freedom and peace and joy. No one can give me these three things except me."

*Before I end I just want to say, I don't claim any religion because I don't. Simple. I did grow up in the Christian church with a Christian family full of preaches and choir singers. So of course I see bibles all of the time, and I pick them up because they are around. But now I see the truth in them. If I was born into any other religion, I just might have picked up another religious text and finding truth in those too.

I need to be happy, Is it true?

I used to beat myself up about being happy. "I need to be happy-but I'm not." "I want to be happy-but I'm not." Sometimes, thinking that I needed to be happy hurt allot.

Even today I have a close family member who wants to be happy-but they aren't. If your reality right now is that you are not happy, that is okay. In fact, I am beginning to see that there is more than happy, there is something better than happy, but it is indescribable. No, I don't currently live in the place I'm talking about all of the time, but sometimes I do, and its nice because it does not exist in the world of opposites.

If you are feeling down and you think you should be happy, ask yourself this question, "who would I be without the thought I need to be happy?"

Well, when I ask myself that, I come up with this list:

-peaceful

-content

-steady

-I would not know what happiness was, so there would be nothing to live up to (wow think of the freedom!)

Can I Be Happy Without Money?

I have to make this my new challenge for the month. Money. The green stuff, the brown stuff, the gold stuff, the stuff that people say makes the world go around, the stuff that seems to determine whether I eat tonight or not, whether I get to see the world or not, to go to college, to live in a nice neighborhood, etc, etc.....or at least this is the way it appears.

Although I have tried often to make my relationship with money better (law of attraction, books, audio, blah blah blah) I still cant seem to make peace with money.

So I want to dedicate this month to my relationship with money. I want to know, "Can I have a successful life without money, without knowing it is going to come, without knowing whether I will have the money I desire to buy the things I need." Who would I be without my current thoughts about money? I want to find out, then share it with you.

I think I hate money, loath it, am annoyed with it, frustrated with it. But at the same time I want it, I feel I need it, I want more of it. It's an odd relationship, is it not? I hope at some point I will be able to say I love money, absolutely love it-and not because of what it gives me, but just because I love money since I love me. I think I'd like that.

The Quest For Happiness

I am thinking that I should change the name of my blog....I think that the title Finding Myself and Living It still fits to what I'm doing, but even more than that I think that I realized that I'm trying to search for happiness.

Now I am thinking my blog will be named The Quest For Happiness

One Thing I Know For Sure

Okay, maybe it is two things I know for sure....I know for sure that my opinions about everything are always constantly changing as I explore my thoughts and go deeper and deeper into the world of me-spirituality-reality-god, or whatever it is that ominous "it" or "presence" is. Since those opinions are always changing, so is this blog.

But what I definetly also know for sure is that nothing outside of me makes me happy. I can think back to all of the times I thought I REALLY wanted something because I just really KNEW it was going to be IT, it was going to be THE ONE that made my day........

The trips, the phone, the friends, the people, the food, the camera, the bike, the shirt, the shoes, the pants.......oh my goodness so many things I thought I needed to make me happy.  In fact I've thought I needed so many things that I look around sometimes and wonder where all of this junk inside of my house came from.

But I believe with absolute confidence I can say now that what makes me happy is not outside of me...I know I have said this before, but now I feel it within my gut, I know it deeply.

I became aware of this deeply recently because I ordered some hair products online. I'd been waiting all week for the hair products to come. I really wanted them. I wanted them so bad I stayed home for the mail man to come all week even though I wanted to go outside. I just had this craving for them..it meant alot to me.....and they came...late....and then I didn't have any reaction when I opened the package...maybe I thought balloons and a clown and a parade would pop out to tell me I just won a million bucks..who knows.

The point is, now I know for a fact, its not the outside world I'm searching for...I have a feeling its on the inside, but I don't know that for sure either, at least for right now. So I write on this blog everyday, and work on me ever day, because I have that little inkling that the happiness I'm searching for is within my own reach so much that its right here in myself, just waiting.

Cant Wait....

Have you ever just wanted to kick yourself in the butt? Well I know that this is a very tempting notion for me to pursue right now! I wish I could kick myself....

I wish I could just be over this whole money thing.....for awhile I was...I was where we would all like to be-completely at peace with money. Well, to be honest now that I am saying it, I cant even know that I was at peace with money or ignoring money (I'm thinking the later of the two). GRRR.

Geez....well there is one thing I know for sure right now. Me having trouble with money (and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if I am actually having trouble with money. Its more like trouble with my money thinking thoughts that are driving me crazy) means that I am going to have to do The Work.


I knew that at the end of one of my sessions doing The Work where I questioned my thoughts about money, I was feeling pretty good about it, but I also knew that I said I look forward to have trouble with money again..........because that's just part of the worksheet. Well here is my ample opportunity to have trouble with money again, and question those thoughts-should be fun!

www.thework.com

Stability Like A Rock

"My foundation crumbled, and I saw what was underneath it-soil." (Thomas Belli)

I really fell in love with this quote from the moment I heard it. I was sitting in the car with a dear friend of mine who never wants to talk about anything serious to often. But, on this rare occasion he somehow did talk about something real-and this is why I love it when he does, because beautiful truths come out of his mouth.

This quote is so true, isn't it? We all start off building our lives, laying down the concrete, putting on the plaster, building up walls, making everything seem more secure. Then something will usually happen at some point in all of our lives. It happens because it has to.

All that we worked so hard to keep preserved, and seemingly stable in our lives begins to get shaky, then crumble, and eventually it falls.

Some of us try to build another strong foundation, or others may look around at the ruins, and suddenly see that there is fertile soil underneath of the that gunk that we tried to make so strong and secure.

It's beautiful because so many things can grow out of the soil, so many possibilities can come from it.

This is what happened in my life. I had my illusion of a life, a life that I felt was invincible because I had the friends, family, home etc. etc....then one day it all began to tear itself apart-and it lead me to where I am now....the heaven on earth, the only place where lasting stability can be found because its not stable at all-because it is.....

What's in a friend....?

(Before I even begin...There is a picture of cows to the left...It has nothing to really do with the post I just like the way they look...but it could have to do with the post if you think of it in terms of the relationships)

I'm always full of questions. Its been that way since the day I knew I was alive. Now I am wondering something new. What's in a friend? What is friendship? I mean really...what is it? I'm starting to question it. I like friends because they make me feel good and I make them feel good so that's why we like being around each other...

I still feel like there is more to friendship that I haven't yet discovered, more to this relationship to one another thing....

I guess I wonder because for awhile I felt all alone....and I didn't want to be alone.....then I became okay with being alone...and now I cant keep people from coming in through my front back and side doors....

-Pondering