I need to be happy, Is it true?

I used to beat myself up about being happy. "I need to be happy-but I'm not." "I want to be happy-but I'm not." Sometimes, thinking that I needed to be happy hurt allot.

Even today I have a close family member who wants to be happy-but they aren't. If your reality right now is that you are not happy, that is okay. In fact, I am beginning to see that there is more than happy, there is something better than happy, but it is indescribable. No, I don't currently live in the place I'm talking about all of the time, but sometimes I do, and its nice because it does not exist in the world of opposites.

If you are feeling down and you think you should be happy, ask yourself this question, "who would I be without the thought I need to be happy?"

Well, when I ask myself that, I come up with this list:

-peaceful

-content

-steady

-I would not know what happiness was, so there would be nothing to live up to (wow think of the freedom!)

Can I Be Happy Without Money?

I have to make this my new challenge for the month. Money. The green stuff, the brown stuff, the gold stuff, the stuff that people say makes the world go around, the stuff that seems to determine whether I eat tonight or not, whether I get to see the world or not, to go to college, to live in a nice neighborhood, etc, etc.....or at least this is the way it appears.

Although I have tried often to make my relationship with money better (law of attraction, books, audio, blah blah blah) I still cant seem to make peace with money.

So I want to dedicate this month to my relationship with money. I want to know, "Can I have a successful life without money, without knowing it is going to come, without knowing whether I will have the money I desire to buy the things I need." Who would I be without my current thoughts about money? I want to find out, then share it with you.

I think I hate money, loath it, am annoyed with it, frustrated with it. But at the same time I want it, I feel I need it, I want more of it. It's an odd relationship, is it not? I hope at some point I will be able to say I love money, absolutely love it-and not because of what it gives me, but just because I love money since I love me. I think I'd like that.

The Quest For Happiness

I am thinking that I should change the name of my blog....I think that the title Finding Myself and Living It still fits to what I'm doing, but even more than that I think that I realized that I'm trying to search for happiness.

Now I am thinking my blog will be named The Quest For Happiness

One Thing I Know For Sure

Okay, maybe it is two things I know for sure....I know for sure that my opinions about everything are always constantly changing as I explore my thoughts and go deeper and deeper into the world of me-spirituality-reality-god, or whatever it is that ominous "it" or "presence" is. Since those opinions are always changing, so is this blog.

But what I definetly also know for sure is that nothing outside of me makes me happy. I can think back to all of the times I thought I REALLY wanted something because I just really KNEW it was going to be IT, it was going to be THE ONE that made my day........

The trips, the phone, the friends, the people, the food, the camera, the bike, the shirt, the shoes, the pants.......oh my goodness so many things I thought I needed to make me happy.  In fact I've thought I needed so many things that I look around sometimes and wonder where all of this junk inside of my house came from.

But I believe with absolute confidence I can say now that what makes me happy is not outside of me...I know I have said this before, but now I feel it within my gut, I know it deeply.

I became aware of this deeply recently because I ordered some hair products online. I'd been waiting all week for the hair products to come. I really wanted them. I wanted them so bad I stayed home for the mail man to come all week even though I wanted to go outside. I just had this craving for them..it meant alot to me.....and they came...late....and then I didn't have any reaction when I opened the package...maybe I thought balloons and a clown and a parade would pop out to tell me I just won a million bucks..who knows.

The point is, now I know for a fact, its not the outside world I'm searching for...I have a feeling its on the inside, but I don't know that for sure either, at least for right now. So I write on this blog everyday, and work on me ever day, because I have that little inkling that the happiness I'm searching for is within my own reach so much that its right here in myself, just waiting.

Cant Wait....

Have you ever just wanted to kick yourself in the butt? Well I know that this is a very tempting notion for me to pursue right now! I wish I could kick myself....

I wish I could just be over this whole money thing.....for awhile I was...I was where we would all like to be-completely at peace with money. Well, to be honest now that I am saying it, I cant even know that I was at peace with money or ignoring money (I'm thinking the later of the two). GRRR.

Geez....well there is one thing I know for sure right now. Me having trouble with money (and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if I am actually having trouble with money. Its more like trouble with my money thinking thoughts that are driving me crazy) means that I am going to have to do The Work.


I knew that at the end of one of my sessions doing The Work where I questioned my thoughts about money, I was feeling pretty good about it, but I also knew that I said I look forward to have trouble with money again..........because that's just part of the worksheet. Well here is my ample opportunity to have trouble with money again, and question those thoughts-should be fun!

www.thework.com

Stability Like A Rock

"My foundation crumbled, and I saw what was underneath it-soil." (Thomas Belli)

I really fell in love with this quote from the moment I heard it. I was sitting in the car with a dear friend of mine who never wants to talk about anything serious to often. But, on this rare occasion he somehow did talk about something real-and this is why I love it when he does, because beautiful truths come out of his mouth.

This quote is so true, isn't it? We all start off building our lives, laying down the concrete, putting on the plaster, building up walls, making everything seem more secure. Then something will usually happen at some point in all of our lives. It happens because it has to.

All that we worked so hard to keep preserved, and seemingly stable in our lives begins to get shaky, then crumble, and eventually it falls.

Some of us try to build another strong foundation, or others may look around at the ruins, and suddenly see that there is fertile soil underneath of the that gunk that we tried to make so strong and secure.

It's beautiful because so many things can grow out of the soil, so many possibilities can come from it.

This is what happened in my life. I had my illusion of a life, a life that I felt was invincible because I had the friends, family, home etc. etc....then one day it all began to tear itself apart-and it lead me to where I am now....the heaven on earth, the only place where lasting stability can be found because its not stable at all-because it is.....

What's in a friend....?

(Before I even begin...There is a picture of cows to the left...It has nothing to really do with the post I just like the way they look...but it could have to do with the post if you think of it in terms of the relationships)

I'm always full of questions. Its been that way since the day I knew I was alive. Now I am wondering something new. What's in a friend? What is friendship? I mean really...what is it? I'm starting to question it. I like friends because they make me feel good and I make them feel good so that's why we like being around each other...

I still feel like there is more to friendship that I haven't yet discovered, more to this relationship to one another thing....

I guess I wonder because for awhile I felt all alone....and I didn't want to be alone.....then I became okay with being alone...and now I cant keep people from coming in through my front back and side doors....

-Pondering